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Blog:They Can Be Parents Too

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Procreation, or most commonly known as having children, is a fundamental, innate trait in all people. Beyond the biological desire to ensure that our genes are passed onto the next generation, and in turn a small part of us remains after death, the depth of emotional and psychological desire to have genetically linked children ranks as a leader in human biological predispositions. Often, when married couples come across the truth that this fundamental human need will be challenged, proposing that this innate desire may never be fulfilled, a barrage of emotional and inevitable conceded outcomes emerge. Often, intended parents turn to alternatives such as adoption.

Though this option to have children by adoption is indeed a viable cure for infertility, married couples are asked to tap into a region of their humanity reserved for a biological link with their children. This request to apply this unconditional connection with a child that is not genetically linked to a parent can result in negative consequences. This requirement, though thankfully not in all cases, often fails to permanently attach, leaving opportunity for unseen or intentionally ignored issues to develop allowing for the possibility of rejection and hurt to develop later in life between child and parent. This can manifest in the ways such as cultural differences, psychological trauma and loss of identity within all children and parents. Simply put, not every parent can commit to a continuous integral biological and psychological connection through adoption without reservation.

Another common result from the diagnosis of infertility is the all too often assumption applied to individual identity that emerges from such a diagnosis. Married couples who have been forced to mentally process this type of medical diagnosis often accept the misjudged concession that they were not destined to have children. This acceptance of a “fate” element that is beyond their control influences would-be parents by not only altering a mindset to accept their infertility but encourages couples to accept fabricated facts and truths justifying the outcome. One such fabrication leaves married couples thinking that they may have never been adequate parents in the first place. This degenerative mindset not only is the cause for long-term negative self-perceptions but in most cases is an erroneous self- judgment that destructively influences the marriage itself, manifesting in difficulties that often ends in divorce. The inability to conceive naturally has no bearing on a person’s ability to parent children. This fact is commonly tossed aside when confronting infertility, however, what type of parent an individual will develop into and how effective a person will be when becoming a parent seems moot compared to the assumed life sentence of infertility and the repercussions this diagnosis carries with it.

The truth behind such diagnosis is that reproductive medical science has advanced to the point in our global society that multiple medical procedures, ranging from personal treatments to the use of surrogacy, displaces an infertility diagnosis with the birth of a child. Surrogacy and donation programs alone can account for forty to seventy percent success rates in infertility cases where embryo transfer is utilized resulting in conception and birth. This fact offers new insights to infertility cases, but more importantly offers hope for married couples seeking to start families.  Despite genetically inherited disorders such as inability to carry pregnancy to term, low sperm count, and a vast array of additional infertility disorders, the fact remains that the essential biological drive to parent children is not confined to a life sentence of infertility. Reproductive science is quickly becoming a normality in societies across the globe and are fast becoming recognized as an ethical means to treat infertility. With this inevitable advancement of infertility treatment options, members of society are charged with developing new and productive ways to not only view infertility as treatable but develop, educate and accept methods to support options that infertile couples choose to combat their diagnosis. 

The days of blind, casual condolences from people who are not inflicted with infertility, must end if advancements to cure infertility are to succeed. Religious intolerance, social economic status, and other perceived qualifiers of who is and is not acceptable to become parents must be addressed without isolating and condemning those of us in our countries, cities and neighborhoods who are born with biological complications, through no fault of their own. It is time to address the issues of infertility, present solutions and promote encouragement to married couples looking to start families by ensuring both inherent protection and protocols to child and parent alike. Only by implementing these standards can our global society learn to understand what it means to be inflicted with infertility and accept the action taken to responsibly treat this diagnosis.  

Please share in the dreams of others becoming parents,

~ Robert Eastman


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